


Guilty

by mols



Series: Literal Oneshots [7]
Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Betrayal, Character Study, M/M, OCD, Other, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-03
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-01-29 02:47:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12621436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mols/pseuds/mols
Summary: One hundred reasons to feel guilty. Inspired by @to_be_rebel's old band of brothers' fics.





	1. Humanity

**Author's Note:**

  * For [be_a_rebel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/be_a_rebel/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick is human, too.

Chest against back, hot hands covering your chest with a comfortable - a bit suffocating - thick layer of human warmth, you close your eyes. You relax and sigh. A guilty feeling spreads across your chest like boiling water sliding across your skin, and a grip seems to be wrapped around your neck, gently. Ron's chest breath is on your bare back and his hot nose breathing on the side of one of your ears. You ask yourself if Nix is alright, if he stopped drinking to sleep. Ron kisses your shoulder, slowly, and you tremble as if your back was freezing before that kiss took place and he was too hot. It's good, warm and you feel genuine pleasure and affection towards Ron, the man who replaced you in Easy - he's been doing a great job, you are so relieved that Easy has someone to trust their obedience on. You know Nix is somewhere, probably passed out from drinking. You care about him, you always had. You are scared of his future, how he will be, but you need care too.  Ron hugs and wraps you into his arms. It's comforting, it's good, very good. You hope Nix can forgive you. You fall asleep, leaning onto Ron's shoulder. Tomorrow. 


	2. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of war.

There are one hundred reasons for you to feel guilty, there are one hundred reasons: it doesn't matter if they are good or not, if they are reasonable or not. When the war is over, all over the world, there's nothing to do besides feeling; whatever you didn't allow yourself to feel all those months of blood and -very quiet but devastating- despair. Nobody can come out of it in only one piece. All of you are broken into smaller pieces, especially Lew. He is broken into very tiny pieces that scramble to stay together, like ants or bees. Your pain is all over your armor but you try to ignore it all over again; there's always someone else to take care of, something more important to do. You can't forget the past, not even if you tried. All of those men, included Ron, make part of a history that made you, built you up again in a very different way. The war is not over for any of you (for real), it wouldn't let any of you escape intact. A war burns a man's skin, mark them to never forget that there was a Berlin wall between who you were and who you are now. Nothing is the same, and it's hard to accept.


	3. Duty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick has OCD.

Dick has thoughts that he doesn't want to think about. Thoughts that seem to destroy him bit by bit, from the inside out. So he doesn't like to have his head empty, he likes to keep it filled at full capacity. Even in a place like this - and “maybe” because he is in a place like this - he prefers to think of the war in clinical, exact ways. He has a duty, he needs to keep his men alive and to push the German lines to Germany and then, to surrender. He doesn't think or try not to think about the lives that need to be taken for it to work, for his actions, orders to work in order to end this war. Thinking, feeling...There's no time for it, or to what feelings and free thoughts can lead to. He doesn't want to think of it -anything at all, but when he can't help, it comes as a hammer onto his head, making his being shake at the horror the thoughts bring with themselves. He feels sick and wants to puke...but there's not enough food to put in or out, he cannot do it to the others, so he doesn't. Thinking is something he does very much in Bastogne, until he allows his mind to wander by itself, just home for a few seconds, the warmth of summer days on the farm. He needs to learn to just think of...nothing, this warm and fleeing nothing. Maybe one day he will without guilty, knowing he did what was needed for everybody else at home.


End file.
